Just months after Steven Den Beste, to who’s memory I dedicated “Cursed Hearts,” comes news this evening of the death of Dr. Jerry Pournelle, the other most responsible for my becoming a writer (“start your story in the middle!”).
I am devastated. I shall wrap up PT when I can see through my tears. The world is… so dark.
There are many with eulogies. I went to a friend’s site, once I’d heard the news.
Coming to around 1000 at my day-job, I had a moment of clarity: for the last seven months, all my waking moments had been filled with Chris, Cat, and Maya somewhere in my mind.
For the past 36 hours: all quiet.
The mental moment was this: I was in a darkened – but not dark – older church, alone. A place that was just recently host to a hundred, and soon will be again, but now preternatuary still.
At the end of T4L, I’d already seen the sequel. The close of EFL was a ‘LOL’ moment, as kids would type.
Alone, looking at three graves of those that have been, not a part of me, but me… well… it’s very quiet, now.
Don’t like it.
Here I go to the time and trouble to kill Anton, only to realize at lunch what a conundrum that makes: sure, Maya now knows the entire plan to try to save Chris & Cat, but that still leaves her at UCSD, miles from Miramar Air Station and at the mercy of their passive and active defenses – to say nothing of the ‘boss battle’ in the hanger. It’d be 5k words, minimum, to get through that.
Soooo… Anton doesn’t die. Maya (and her riders) tempts him, instead. Fits the theme of the story better, really. Anton accepts, calling for his bodyguard/driver, Manuel. He promises to get her through Security. I’m not sure if he’s scared for his own pampered, aristocratic life, or if he’s sincere. We’ll see.
Personally, if a demoness was resting her teeth on my neck, after killing my soldiers, and having leeched about 10% of my life out, so long as it wasn’t about my wife & kids, I’d talk a deal, too. Buy time. The horse might learn to sing.
Being Spring, I was cleaning up things in the backyard. Gave ‘The Dog with the Golden Nose’ a haircut. Finally made some coffee, added bourbon, and got Maya to cross paths with Debbie & her Rottweiler, Daisy.
Ran away to make dinner for family. After that, was itchy enough to take bi-weekly oatmeal bath. No! I’m not avoiding…
Grabbed notepad and pen (I’m a lazy writer, not a stupid one) and jotted down Maya’s break-in to Chris & Cat’s place. Then: blank.
Got more red-piss (the cheap wine I drink; told my wife to cut me back once ‘CH’ is finished) and a hunk of cheese for dessert. Saw more: Maya’s discovery of Cat’s condition, her escape – after killing Anton (and thus knowing his plan) – as Maya races towards the guarded hangar at Miramar Air Station.
Five months ago, I saw everyone dead in a subterranean parking garage. Perhaps that was in error. I don’t yet know: does the fight start in the hangar, and C&C retreat?
“Ask again later.”
PS Yesterday was also a local author fair at the county public library. Meh. Not much, but I’d brought bourbon, so there was that.
I’ve never had writer’s block. Nope, not even once. I sit down, usually at a computer, but still, occasionally with pen and paper, and write.
What I do have, is Writer’s Fear. If several days go by without said ‘sitting down,’ I am afraid that once I do, nothing will happen, that I’ll just sit there. So what do I do? Everything else: clean house, walk the dogs, run for food and booze, get drunk early and watch anime… anything to keep me from facing my fear.
I’d put off writing for five days this week. I’d a great weekend of several thousand words, even into Monday and Tuesday, I’d figured out Maya’s time-lapse, inadvertently introduced Emma Miller… and did everything I could to not touch Nichole (the laptop I do 99% of my writing on) until this (Saturday) afternoon. Finally, fearfully, with only one partial scene in mind, I began. That was four and a half hours ago; 3k works ago. Chris, Cat, and Anton are in a small armored column on their way to Miramar Air Station, and Maya finally killed someone in San Diego. It was so easy! I’m over 60k words, and not even to the Big End… which just makes the Fear worse.
Will I be able to do this tomorrow? My family’s coming back from vacation, so I should wash our bedding. The weather’s getting better, and I need to paint the trim of the entire front of the house. After Mass tomorrow morning, I should stay for Adoration for at least an hour…. I should… I should…
Fear. It’s a horrible, corrosive disease.
“I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.”
I’d just now put those words onto Maya’s lips. And that’s how I feel: at 57k words… why not introduce a new character! Eff me, why not?! What I needed was a victim to satisfy Maya’s cravings after being held captive by [person] in the machine’s home for one of our weeks, so, thinking about the sacrificial secretary at the start of Elfin Lied (06:41-07:24; subs don’t matter, this is just what I had in mind at the time), I came up with Emma Miller.
“Look at you.” The scowl was there, but Emma hoped it was a spark of mirth she saw in those odd eyes. “You’re a walking cliché: blue jeans and blue eyes; blonde hair and an unnecessarily large chest! All the while knowing nothing about how this world really works! Bismarck was right!”
All Maya has to do after running into her is grab her and steal her life… but, there’s a CCTV camera; if Gordon’s watching, he’ll know that what she told him about just wanting to meet her brother is a lie, and will alert Chris… so Maya hesitates. In that moment, Emma starts talking. I learn she’s a Masters in Computer Engineering, working on her PhD and is a better programmer than anyone at UCSD-SCS. But, since she’s low-man on the totem pole, she’s the one to bring coffee and donuts.
Until Maya literally runs into her.
And when Maya lets slip that Gordon is self-aware – an impossibility to Emma – the dialog started. Last I saw, they were on a bench on the north side of Giesel Library eating brats for breakfast. I couldn’t take it, so I vacuumed two floors of my house and did two loads of laundry. I’d the hook by the time I got back: Emma is a friend of Cat’s and has heard the name ‘Chris’ already. Maya’s already mentioned that, so Emma is running confused. She gets a text from Cat about lunch, and excuses herself from Maya… who can read a lying human like a book. She follows.
When Can I Kill These People?!?!? It’s as if I’m fond of them and –
Oh.
Krep.
Over 50k words, he said! Just another 8-10k to finish the book, he said!
Annnnd then, Dorina showed up. To quote from Band of Brothers: “…well, hello 2nd Armored!”
Look, it’s NOT exposition and I AM NOT LECTURING! I can prove it, below the fold! These people just keep showing up… this just keeps happening…!
Seriously: I need to start killing everyone. No! I mean it! Don’t you dare click on Continue reading “Baton”
