I’ve never had writer’s block. Nope, not even once. I sit down, usually at a computer, but still, occasionally with pen and paper, and write.
What I do have, is Writer’s Fear. If several days go by without said ‘sitting down,’ I am afraid that once I do, nothing will happen, that I’ll just sit there. So what do I do? Everything else: clean house, walk the dogs, run for food and booze, get drunk early and watch anime… anything to keep me from facing my fear.
I’d put off writing for five days this week. I’d a great weekend of several thousand words, even into Monday and Tuesday, I’d figured out Maya’s time-lapse, inadvertently introduced Emma Miller… and did everything I could to not touch Nichole (the laptop I do 99% of my writing on) until this (Saturday) afternoon. Finally, fearfully, with only one partial scene in mind, I began. That was four and a half hours ago; 3k works ago. Chris, Cat, and Anton are in a small armored column on their way to Miramar Air Station, and Maya finally killed someone in San Diego. It was so easy! I’m over 60k words, and not even to the Big End… which just makes the Fear worse.
Will I be able to do this tomorrow? My family’s coming back from vacation, so I should wash our bedding. The weather’s getting better, and I need to paint the trim of the entire front of the house. After Mass tomorrow morning, I should stay for Adoration for at least an hour…. I should… I should…
Fear. It’s a horrible, corrosive disease.
“I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.”
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